Hanging on the Edge->

I feel like the frog.

Un s a t i s f i e d b o r e d

When there is light he wants dark, when there is dark he wants light..

When there is sun he wants snow,when there is snow he wants sun..

Always wanting what is not...

This is a basic trait of human character. It is necessary at times quite often, or else how on earth would the entire mankind progress. But sometimes its annoying. I mean seriously speaking I am stuck here in the middle of the Chota Nagpur Plateau getting roasted, while my friends enjoy the cool coziness of their dwelling, but they aren't satisfied. To be specific they are bored.

For me the holidays never began, and I don't mind spending precious time doing nothing here, but had I been in some place cooler I would have strived to extend my MMIX NewTryouts list. Last summers I had tried my hand in bowling and karting. This summers is a dry one for me. I still have unfulfilled dreams and I wonder if they can be completed before the days run out this year. 

So swear on your girlfriend that you will do something weird this summers. This is how I get motivated. Act cracko man. Why take the bus, when you can trek and explore new tracks. Learn  to  play the guitar(many boys claim they can but they can't), learn a new language, pack your bags and get adventurous.... turn around only when your cash finishes.

..........._

Boredom has been defined by C. D. Fisher in terms of its central psychological processes: “an unpleasant, transient affective state in which the individual feels a pervasive lack of interestin and difficulty concentrating on the current activity.” M. R. Leary and others describe boredom as “an affective experience associated with cognitive attentional processes.” These definitions make it clear that boredom arises not from a lack of things to do but from the inability to latch onto any specific activity. Nothing engages us, despite an often profound desire for engagement.

There are three types of boredom, all of which involve problems of engagement of attention. These include times when we are prevented from engaging in something, when we are forced to engage in some unwanted activity, or when we are simply unable, for no apparent reason, to maintain engagement in any activity or spectacle. Boredom proneness is a tendency to experience boredom of all types. This is typically assessed by the Boredom Proneness Scale. Consistent with the definition provided above, recent research has found that boredom proneness is clearly and consistently associated with failures of attention. Boredom and boredom proneness are both theoretically and empirically linked to depression and depressive symptoms. Nonetheless, boredom proneness has been found to be as strongly correlated with attentional lapses as with depression. Although boredom is often viewed as a trivial and mild irritant, proneness to boredom has been linked to a very diverse range of possible psychological, physical, educational, and social problems.

...I experienced the above today..

Fickle Minds

The human mind is, as William Shakespeare aptly wrote in his play "Julius Caesar", like soft clay that can be moulded into any shape by a man of power. It seem the human mind hasn't changed much after all these years of development. It still remains mostly arbit. . Today our maths teacher proved to be a prime example to this thesis. 

His casual dressing in T-shirt and his holiday mood was in sharp contrast to his mood yesterday. Where was the beast hiding? His smile looked most deceitful and his casual gestures made us think there was something more to it than it looked. Our minds raced to find the inner meaning of each sentence he spoke. 

Anyways thanks to the all mighty, Ojha's light hearted talks made my day. I enjoyed every moment without a nagging thought in my head. I would love to have everyday like this but then it wouldn't seem as a summer course at all. I need to get serious to fulfil the objective for which I am here, getting screwed..

He who has overcome his fears will truly be free :~Aristotle

Well the fear is back. Just like a monster returning after a quick lunch break. This fear has haunted me since the time I learnt that 2+2=4. My failure history with Maths dates back to 1999. I was in standard four at that time. The mid term results were out, it showed that I had failed in Maths inspite of the fact that my total score was fourth highest in the class. 

Since then year after year, exam after exam, my performance in maths deteiorated. I couldn't believe my eyes when I secured 89 out of 100 in my Standard 10  board exams. I did boost my confidence a little but the peaks were smoothened out in my +2. In +2 we had the most screwed up maths teacher who did nothing in class except correct copies  and sleep. Thanks to him my calculus went haywire and I secured a meager 51 in my +2 boards maths paper.

Now the reason for me being here and writing this blog is also maths. Einstein hated history so he specialized in his field of interest, i.e. physics. Why can't I do that in my field of interest,  Computers. The problem is that the Indian Education system isn't so flexible. Even if I become a dropout by choice I will be kicked out of my house, and tagged a loser. Once one of my maths teachers (I had many but all of them had the same characteristics (unfriendly, slogging and frusto type)) told me that I had no logic sense and this made me poor in maths. I retorted by saying that if I had no logic sense how was I so good at Computers (another subject that requires logic).

Today my summer course maths teacher Ojha instilled that fear once again in me. Life would be so much better without maths, I often wonder. This line of thought may have roused the anger of thousands of ancient mathematicians who credit maths for the existence of the universe itself.

I have no objection to their idea, what I only want is that maths should be a little less black and white. I just hope God is listening to me and creating exception handling blocks in his code to handle exceptions like me..

B'day

The b’day, probably the most special day in one’s life.  But by the looks of it I didn’t expect anything special today. Getting up in the morning I thanked god for making me what I am today. I mean seriously after nineteen years I am proud to be what I am. Many teenage boys would find it hard to believe but that's true. I am not saying that I consider myself any different but lets just call it my mental setup.

Last night I got in touch with my old friends, some really old friends. It was great to hear that everyone of them is pursuing his dream ambition. A call from home woke me up in the morning. It was 6 am and wasn't expecting someone to call so early, but then how can my evil sister let me rest in peace. Throughout the day I recieved numerous calls from expected and unexpected callers. Some of whom I had assumed to be dead. And oh today was the day when my no. of scraps increased exponentially. Some were from coded names that I didd't recognise and feared asking.

A false alarm about the class schedule by my friend G made me go to class only to be disappointed. Well my going to the insti wasn't all useless. I hopped into the library after realizing that it was an error in schedule and completed the first chapter of Discrete Maths(DM). I had my lunch in hall-2 and attended the maths class later in the afternoon.

The maths class ended at 6pm and the sun was on its way down below the horizon. I thought the day was over but He had different plans. As one of my friends had requested, I had to go get some clothes from the laundry. My friend G accompanied me. I couldn't get the laundry task done but we had pani puri and soft drinks. Now earlier during my stay here at nitrkl I had once wanted to send a greetings card to my sister, but I couldn't find one damn card shop. Today by a chance of luck the shop where we entered to have soft drinks also had a section for birthday cards. My friend G bought me a bday card. In this time of crysis this small gift was overwhelmingly beautiful. He later even paid a dinner for me supported by the excuse that he wouldn't be able to buy me a gift. Man that was more than anything any of my peer has done for me till now.

Every story has a good villain to make it complete. Enters here Halder, the one asshole I would like to ripe apart in my four years of engineering. He summoned a final year senior and made me do the seniors assignment. If it would have been any other day I wouldn't have minded but, come on man, its my bday. But I couldn't say no...so gud bye to this wonderful day (for it will be back only after a year..) ..and let me continue copying the seniors assignment..

DEJA VU

The Day was more positive than expected. I had my breakfast of mummy made cookies and tea from hexagon. I had my lunch at the mess of Hall-4. The food was the same that we used to get here but the fact that I had to pay cash made it seem and taste more ugly. Any ways apart from that there was nothing about my summers that I regretted.

In the afternoon my spirits were emotionally high after seeing the film made by IIT-B students, DEJA VU. Man it was really class stuff. I mean the story, the acting , and the entire idea was absolutely amazing. At the end of it I saw no difference between NITs and IITs. It is a must see for every engineering student.

Dinner was in Hall-2. Didn't like the food there either. I also chatted with a very old friend of mine today. Tomorrow is my birthday and I wonder what will happen. I even wonder how many will remember me. I will really miss the GPL.

Anyways I was thinking of joining GYM tomorrow, but that will be true if I survive my not so sure GPL tonight..