Well the fear is back. Just like a monster returning after a quick lunch break. This fear has haunted me since the time I learnt that 2+2=4. My failure history with Maths dates back to 1999. I was in standard four at that time. The mid term results were out, it showed that I had failed in Maths inspite of the fact that my total score was fourth highest in the class.
Since then year after year, exam after exam, my performance in maths deteiorated. I couldn't believe my eyes when I secured 89 out of 100 in my Standard 10 board exams. I did boost my confidence a little but the peaks were smoothened out in my +2. In +2 we had the most screwed up maths teacher who did nothing in class except correct copies and sleep. Thanks to him my calculus went haywire and I secured a meager 51 in my +2 boards maths paper.
Now the reason for me being here and writing this blog is also maths. Einstein hated history so he specialized in his field of interest, i.e. physics. Why can't I do that in my field of interest, Computers. The problem is that the Indian Education system isn't so flexible. Even if I become a dropout by choice I will be kicked out of my house, and tagged a loser. Once one of my maths teachers (I had many but all of them had the same characteristics (unfriendly, slogging and frusto type)) told me that I had no logic sense and this made me poor in maths. I retorted by saying that if I had no logic sense how was I so good at Computers (another subject that requires logic).
Today my summer course maths teacher Ojha instilled that fear once again in me. Life would be so much better without maths, I often wonder. This line of thought may have roused the anger of thousands of ancient mathematicians who credit maths for the existence of the universe itself.
I have no objection to their idea, what I only want is that maths should be a little less black and white. I just hope God is listening to me and creating exception handling blocks in his code to handle exceptions like me..
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